Purpose
by El loopy
Summary: 'Being' by Kevin Brooks  Robert reflects on what he is and his purpose in life. Set after the end of the book. Spoilers. Drabble. One shot.


**Disclaimer: 'Being' is by Kevin Brooks and consequently Robert, Eddi and Ryan are all his characters and have nothing to do with me.**

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Purpose: Robert's POV

What am I?

How the hell should I know?

Why are you even _asking_ me?

I hunted down one of the most renowned scientists in the world and forced him at gunpoint to run tests on me just to find out what he could. To find out whether he knew anything about where I had come from, what I was made of, who might know something else about me…and then he turns around, having looked at the test results, and asks me "What _are _you?" in that horrified gasp and I want to scream back, "I DON'T KNOW!" I mean if I knew would I even be there? Would I expose myself to capture for nothing?

The answer to that is no. No I would not.

So why do I do it? Why do I risk the threat of being sliced open again just so others can figure out whether I'm a threat? The answer to that one is purpose.

Purpose. Once, when Eddi took me to Church, the guy was talking about purpose. He said that God had a plan and purpose for each one of us.

Eddi. It still hurts to think about her. How can a monster love? It doesn't really make sense that something unable to cry can still feel remorse and the pain that's left behind when someone dies. Do monsters even have the capability to feel the same feelings of love that a human can? Many would tell you no. Monsters are like animals. There are stories that try to convince you otherwise however. 'Beauty and the Beast' springs to mind…I think I watched it when I was a child; the orphanage had it. The girls liked to watch it over and over. They thought the Beast was sweet. The boys either thought it were too soppy or enjoyed it because people got stabbed and died. I couldn't have cared less. I never really did care about stuff like that. I mean it's not like it was real or anything…but then I really don't care about very much in general. My point is that that movie showed that a monster could love and be loved in return…it was only a movie…but I did love Eddi…and she loved me…not that she knew I was a monster. I wonder now whether if I'd told her would she have stuck by me or would she still be alive today?

Anyway, I was talking about purpose. Life needs purpose; I've discovered that. I told Ryan that I didn't care what I was, I didn't want to find out…I didn't then…I do now. Why would I have wanted to know? I had Eddi. She was my purpose in life…and then she was gone. Afterwards I thought about what that priest guy had said about purpose and then I started to think that if every _human_ had a purpose what about something that was only partially human? Actually, how much of me _was_ human? So in order to discover whether or not I even classified to have a purpose I had to first discover what I was…and so, ironically, _that_ became my purpose.

I couldn't discover what I was by sitting around, waiting for Ryan or one of the other guys to find me again, I had to do something. In the end my decision was to hunt down every scientist I could and interrogate them as to what precisely I was. A dangerous move but one I am willing to take.

What do I do in between? I eat and I sleep, sometimes I read. Money? I do odd jobs here and there and if that's not enough I steal it occasionally…from Ryan's men mostly unless I'm really desperate. I don't do anything really bad like armed bank robbery…although a court would view theft as theft regardless of whether it's from a bank or a person. Its not like I _couldn't_ rob a bank if I chose to. I have the strength and the fact that I'm already wanted by Ryan's men so adding a few police officers wouldn't really make much of a difference but I don't like to stir up trouble and I'd rather most countries would still welcome me if I had to make a quick escape.

Sometimes at night I just need to escape my thoughts. Get drunk at a bar or a club. Have a one-night stand with some girl. Does it matter? I'm just filling in the blanks until I can find out what I am. One day it might get me into trouble but that day has yet to come.

Some days I just think. I turn the thoughts over in my mind, about everything that's happened…about what I am.

Am I a secret government experiment that escaped? Are there others out there like me, hiding and in secret, but still existing, like a species? Or am I just one huge freak of nature that my parents ditched the moment they found out?

I still don't know.

But at the end of the day who the hell cares?

_You_ certainly don't. I mean its not you its happening to is it?


End file.
